A Momentary Lapse of Time

Here I sit, in the laboratory, visualising a muscle pumping that I suppose is my brain. There has been some time since posting which I attribute to maintaining my psychological health while making a decision about a research lab. I silence the world news because it really is far from my daily reality, train crashes, bombings, shootings, political visitations. It seems our nations best efforts are not good enough, and in some sense they are making things worse. The exorbitant defense budget, rising healthcare costs, and increasing taxes, it seems like these topics are beyond the reach of everyone. Hopeless is what it seems, but there are more ways ahead than imaginable. This is analogous to life. I choose to study, read, and work long hours while accomplishing nothing. My decisions seem monumental and yet arbitrary. As if anything I decide to do will place me in a situation I would have arrived in anyway. Although, I feel this couldn't be true according to nature, I am rolling dice with unsure remembrance as to how to flick my wrist right to get 7's. I came into graduate school wanting to make paint that is a solar electric and lighting material. I still believe in this idea, but I am spending all my time studying books and information which only etch away very slowly at the packaging that encloses my dreams.